It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

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Hylian Pirate
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Hylian Pirate » Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:35 pm

This one is interesting, as it's part of a sequence that leads to the introduction of the BLADE group. Anyone here a fan of the BLADE Shinki? Show of hands? ... OK, you lot will has a great big sad when we get there. But that's a bridge we don't have to cross just yet. This is the introduction to Ianeira! The bit at the end is the connector point to the wider arc. This one gets just a bit raunchy, as one might expect with a main character with Ianeira's ... um... attributes... I hope you grin and maybe even chuckle at this guy's misfortune.

***Ianeira: Wet Dreams***

In an busy urban community, there exists a public swimming pool. The pool itself is quite impressive. Twice Olympic size, both high and low diving boards, a tall water slide, this pool truly has it all. It's even temperature controlled to ensure that it's cool during the summer and warm in the winter. People from all over town love to spend their off time relaxing in its luxurious waters. But the pool itself is only half of the attraction. Such a large pool needs lifeguards. The pool's founder hand-picked a powerful team of swimmers with excellent medical references to stay on the lookout. On a normal shift, six of them at a time watch over the swimmers.

But the other shifts are the ones with the real treat: the pool's founder herself takes the lifeguard's seat. When she's on duty, there only need be one other. Her bikini is impossibly proportioned and seems to defy the laws of physics just by staying on. It always busts at what few seams it has. It bounces with her every step. Some call her lewd. Some call her outrageous. Most just call her hot. The pool's founder is, in a word, stacked. See also: well endowed, blessed in the chest, charmed. Her build suggests that she would not be very aerodynamic in the water, but from a dive at one end, she crosses the pool's length in less time than it would take for a lifeguard at the opposite end to even get to the water's edge. The only reason she keeps another guard on duty with her is the possible event that something may happen while she's busy with another rescue.

She goes by the name Irene. The few that see her eyes (not that they're hidden or anything) find themselves looking into a gentle, almost maternal gaze. She attends community cookouts and events and gives swimming lessons. Though many of the women have suggested it ("With a body like that she's can't be human!), none have truly suspected her to be a member of the Royal Guard. Unlike other Busou Shinki, Ianeira doesn't get called into action much. Sadly, her armor is just too situational. If there were ever a rogue nuclear submarine or something, she'd be first on the list, but not much happens on Earth's seas anymore. So, she passes the time by enriching the lives of those around her. Sometimes, though, she enjoys making a bit of trouble, just for fun. And in a human society, she has all the right tools to do so...

"Dude, no way! You'll get us kicked out!," a boy complains to his friend, who has just suggested something outrageous.
"I don't care; this shit is happening, and it's happening right now!" This boy is fourteen, and has made the choice to let his hormones get the best of him. He goes underwater and takes a deep breath... in that order...
"Shit, shit! Jimmy you fucking retard! Help! My friend is an idiot! HELP!," Jimmy's friend calls to Ianeira, who watches from her lifeguard tower.

She makes a quick analysis of the situation. He's drowning, all right, but how in the world did that happen? From her lifeguard stand, she dives straight into the water. Below, she weaves her way through the swimmers, many of whom have started toward Jimmy after his friend sounded the alarm. As usual, Ianeira is faster. Few get the chance to actually see any of the lifeguards make a rescue, but to witness her save a life is truly amazing. Her figure aside, her movements are nothing short of impressive: her legs kick as one, as if she were a dolphin, and once she takes a hold of Jimmy's limp body, she uses her momentum to fly out of the water and land gracefully at the edge of the pool, where onlookers gather to watch her administer CPR. Once she pumps the water out of him, she realizes that he's still not breathing. People are watching; this boy needs to make it.

She plugs his nose, takes a deep breath and closes her mouth to his... only to find a very active tongue waiting for her. So, she realizes, that's what this is all about. Her dark side kicks in. She obliges him, just for a moment. In that moment, his heart flutters, sending blood to the places that it thinks need it. "Mommy, what's that?," a little girl asks pointing to the lump that has appeared in Jimmy's swim trunks.
"That's... nothing, sweetie," the mother replies, "it just means that he's probably OK..."
Suddenly, Ianeira shoots up and addresses the crowd. "Stand clear everyone!," she orders them, "this boy's life in in danger and I need some room!" She places a hand on his chest, then crosses her other hand over it.
His eyes shoot open. "N-no, wai-!," he stammers.
"LIVE!," Ianeira commands him as she pumps down just below his sternum.
"WHOOF!" Jimmy's lungs all but collapse as he gasps to replenish the air that Ianeira forced out of him.
"Oh, thank God you're all right!," she gushes as she exaggeratedly clutches him to her chest, "we were all so worried about you!"
"I-I think I'm OK now," he says as he struggles to break free of her grasp. "I'll just get back in the pool with my buddy."
"I really think you should take a break."
"No, I'll be alright."
She grabs him firmly on the shoulder gives him a broad smile. In a voice sweeter than honey she warns, "I really think you should take a break from the pool." Her smile turns malicious but her voice keeps its tone as she adds, "For about two months."

***

This begins a running gag of tormenting the poor boy that lasts well into his adult life. But, in all fairness, he really asks for everything she gives him. He once smacked her butt as she walked by, and she responded by "accidentally" hip-checking him into the pool. Incidentally, a hip-check from Ianeira (and most Shinki, for that matter) leaves quite a bruise. On another occasion, he meticulously climbed up the back of her lifeguard tower and oh-so-carefully untied her top, and re-tied one end of the string to the tower. However, when she got up, her top was perfectly in place, as usual. What baffled him was that he could still see the top he tied to the tower. This is an example of a Busou Shinki's short-range holographic projector at work: the same technology that hides her joints made sure the world saw her as perfectly decent, rather than topless. In the midst of his confusion, she "stubbed her tow" on the tower, which shook it and caused him to lose balance and fall.

This day, he is brazen - and stealthy - enough to actually manage his way into the women's changing and locker room. He finds himself a place to hide, sits back, and enjoys the scenery. At the end of the day, when the locker room falls silent, he decides the time has come to leave. However, on his way out, he hears Ianeira's voice.
"I'm going to clean up here and shower before going home," she calls to the security guard.
"Alright, g'night Miss Irene," he responds.
Jimmy quickly returns to his hiding spot. From the slits in the closet door, he sees her walking around, picking various bits of trash up off the floor. Ianeira, who can detect life like all Shinki, knows exactly where he is, and she aims her back to him every time she bends down.
"Whoo," she seemingly says to herself, "a cold shower sounds great right about now." She walks to the wall that separates the showers from the changing area, bends down, and investigates a hole. "Boy, I should really get this fixed," she muses, "not that it really matters; we all shower together anyway, but it's the principle of it." With that, she slowly walks around the wall into the shower area, exaggeratedly swaying her hips as she does.

It was an offer, Jimmy thought, and one he simply could not refuse. When he's sure she can't see him, he makes his move over to the hole, where he gets an eye full indeed. Ianeira, still in her bikini, lets the water run down her body and squeezes her top to get the chlorine out. She slowly runs her hands up and down her torso and legs, accenting her curves. She teases the ties of her bottom before removing it, her back to him. He takes in the sight of her naked rear and begins breathing heavily as his heart races. She reaches behind her and unties the bottom of her top, she turns her front toward the hole and lets the water run down her back. Holding her loose top in place with one arm, she reaches for the top tie and undoes it, letting it fall. Then, finally, the moment of truth arrives as she lets her top go. Jimmy beholds Ianeira in all her glory and turns away, trembling.
"Oh, my God," he whispers to himself. He takes a moment to get a deep breath in before turning back. To his shock, the water no longer runs and the shower area is vacant. "Wha...?"
Click. The locker room falls black. "Huh?" KA-CHUNK! Ianeira turns the lock on the main doors - the only doors - to the locker room. "Hey! HEY! WAIT!" He runs to the door, knocking his shins on the benches as he goes. "Ow, SHIT! HEY! Open up!" He gets to the door and tries it, only to find it locked inside and out.

On the other side of the door, Ianeira listens to his pleas with a serene smile. She goes into the office and writes to the security guard:
Charlie--

Make sure to check the women's changing room thoroughly when you open tomorrow. I thought I heard a noise on my way out.

--Irene


Satisfied with her work tonight, she heads out the door, only to be met by a very unexpected guest. "Well," she greets the pink-haired girl before her, "if it isn't my sister the rock star."
"Well," Eukrante responds with a wry grin, "if it isn't my sister the porn star."
Ianeira looks down at herself and realizes that she forgot to project clothes on her way out. She blushes modestly and eeps out an "Oh, dear" for her sister as she disengages the projector completely. "To what do I owe the honor of this visit, dear sister?," she asks of Eukrante.
"Aww, can't I just come on down and visit my favorite sister?"
"Of course, but you usually call before you do that."
"Touche. I got a beep from Bragg after my last show with Razz. I guess we heard something on the grapevine."
"Oh?"
"Remote island, far out at sea, likely sub-aquatic basement levels. We think it's a KO factory. You in?"
"Hmm, let me check my schedule." Ianeira adds to the note:

P.S.: I won't be in for work for a few days, so be sure to schedule enough lifeguards to cover my shifts for at least a week.

"Yep! All clear!"
"Great! It'll be me, you, Dolly, and a small pod of WaffeDolphins: all the makings of a romantic getaway."
"Oh, my, I'm charmed! Please, Miss Rock Star, take me away!"
"Sure thing, sweetheart," Eukrante winks at her sister, "just hop on my big metal bird."
"HEY!," comes Jimmy's muffled voice from behind the door, "I hear you talking over there! Let me outta here!"
"So," Eukrante asks, "you gonna let 'im out or what?"
"No," Ianeira sighs, "he worked so hard to get in there, so I'd hate to see him get out so easily." With a shrug from Eukrante, the sisters take off into the sky and head for the ocean...

***FIN***

Name: Ianeira
Type: Mermaid
Element: Water
Weapons: -Triton's Trident: A staff double-tipped with tridents that can be broken into two short tridents. This is Ianeira's weapon of choice; her fighting style mimics the flow of a river. It can be summoned unarmored.
-Amphitrite's Blades: Twin broadswords. When mounted to her armor, energy flows through the center and expels through the split tips as projectiles. Slower, but more powerful than the trident, Ianeira uses these to imply crashing waves. They can be summoned unarmored.
-Mermaid Harp: Used in conjunction with the Mermaid Song ability. Can be summoned unarmored.
-Shark Launcher: A midsized sidearm with an average recharge rate. Additionally, a hatch opens to reveal a cluster of mini-torpedoes.
-Poseidon's Wrath: Ianeira's oft-forgotten BFG. A straightforward overkill weapon for making sure things stay dead. It only has an hour recharge (compare to Arnval's three day charge), but this makes up for the fact that Ianeira must be fully armored, therefore in the water, to use it.
Type Abilities: -Mermaid Song: Ianeira has a beautiful voice, and her songs act as support for her team. Some effects include demoralizing enemies and evoking strong emotional responses to boost friends or hinder foes.
-Shark Skin: Aside from the usual holographic projection, Ianeira can change the physical texture of her exterior to that of sandpaper. Not only does this add to the sting of her unarmed attacks, but even a direct blow to her face can leave an opponent's knuckles bloodied.
Bio: Often called "motherly with a mean streak" by her sisters, Ianeira is a gentle and nurturing soul... until she feels that someone needs behavioral correction. Then, she resorts to passive-aggressive techniques and trickery to spite her target. Also, she enjoys being a tease and watching squabbles start over her. She plays innocent quite well when called out on it, and she speaks in a tone that makes it hard not to forgive the "misunderstanding." The Mermaid armor is unique in that it was specifically designed for aquatic missions. With that long tail, there's nothing amphibious about it. Cid configured it so that she can ditch the tail in place of her legs if she needs to, but this cuts her armored power in half. To compensate for this, she has the largest arsenal of weapons that can be called upon without her full armor and the skill to use them effectively. However, she usually prefers to play a support role. When not in use, her armor takes the form of a dolphin called []. It can use most of Ianeira's weapons while patrolling the waters around the mission point. Because the actual weapons aren't its main components, Ianeira can still call upon them at will. Her water attribute grants her unhindered movement and sight when submerged, even unarmored. Additionally, her swimming speed increases up to tenfold by manipulating the water around her. Often, particularly devastating hits from her or her weapons are accompanied by a splash.

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rytearik
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by rytearik » Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:06 pm

Eee!! XD hehehe, I giggled!
He did get what he deserved every time ^o^

You're going to write for all shinki then ne?
:schmetterling:

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Hylian Pirate
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Hylian Pirate » Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:57 pm

I'm gonna try... I have equipment specs for darn near all of them and personalities for most. However, I'm not going to post up a personality without what I think is a good scenario. The scenario is important to showing off the personality. Also, some of them will end up being "mass produced" models. For Royal Guard Shinki, this means that there is one with a controlling personality. Eukrante mentioned "Dolly and a pod of WaffeDolphins." Dolly is the name of the unique WaffeDolphin that has a personality, whereas there are several WaffeDolphins that are basically drones under Dolly's command. They will function much like a platoon of Navy SEALS.

Other non-Royal Guard Shinki will be there for canon fodder from local forces of badness. Suffice to say the repaints will be major villains. Mizuki (sorry, rytearik), Fubuki, and the two colors of Tsugaru will be the equivalent of Leo suits in Gundam Wing: they're everywhere and exist for the sole purpose of getting blown up. But I won't try any big battles until I've got individual scenarios for all of the Royal Guard group.

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rytearik
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by rytearik » Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:02 am

Hylian Pirate wrote:I'm gonna try... I have equipment specs for darn near all of them and personalities for most. However, I'm not going to post up a personality without what I think is a good scenario. The scenario is important to showing off the personality. Also, some of them will end up being "mass produced" models. For Royal Guard Shinki, this means that there is one with a controlling personality. Eukrante mentioned "Dolly and a pod of WaffeDolphins." Dolly is the name of the unique WaffeDolphin that has a personality, whereas there are several WaffeDolphins that are basically drones under Dolly's command. They will function much like a platoon of Navy SEALS.

Other non-Royal Guard Shinki will be there for canon fodder from local forces of badness. Suffice to say the repaints will be major villains. Mizuki (sorry, rytearik), Fubuki, and the two colors of Tsugaru will be the equivalent of Leo suits in Gundam Wing: they're everywhere and exist for the sole purpose of getting blown up. But I won't try any big battles until I've got individual scenarios for all of the Royal Guard group.

Hey! My Mizuki is evil XD lol.
I will be looking forward to your stories then :P :D

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Lock Cade
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Lock Cade » Fri Jun 11, 2010 11:05 am

LOL, the kid got what he deserves for being a pervert.

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Hylian Pirate
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Hylian Pirate » Sat Jun 12, 2010 10:28 pm

Here's another in that sequence. This sets up the aforementioned adventure with Ianeira and Eukrante as well as a new one for Vespelio. I know Razz isn't out yet, but I couldn't resist introducing her. That, and I didn't want to get too ahead of myself with the singers' adventure and then go back at the end of September and say "Oh, by the way, this is what happened before all of that!" I will fully admit to not having a clear time line in my head, but I'd at least like to try to write/post these related shorts in some sort of order, you know? You never know, I may decide to change around some of Razz's armor specs once I have her in hand.

As a quick aside: I notice that this topic has a lot of views, but not a lot of replies. My one time on the Cbox someone made it a point to tell me that Xehn wanted to obtain a Xiphos and name her sword Save the Queen. So I know other people are reading. Awesome! But, as nice as it is to have rytearik and TRANS+CRAZY (what can I say? the ladies love the hat B) ) tell me good job, I'd love to hear what some of you others think. Do you like? Do you loathe? While writing isn't my passion, I'd love to be at least a decent storyteller, and I can't get better without some constructive criticism. So please, jump in! ... Wow... That aside wasn't as quick as I thought... Well, then, without further ado, here's

***"Baby" Razz: The Show Must Go On***

"We're here tonight with a true child prodigy, but this little lady isn't a mathematical genius or, depending on your point of view, the next Mozart. She's the world's youngest rock 'n roll guitarist, Baby Razz. Thanks for being here with us tonight, Miss Razz."
"No problem. It's always fun throwing you interviewers for a loop or two."
"Ahaha, I'm sure you will! So, let's get started, how old are you exactly?"
"You first, toots."
"So... I guess we aren't getting that one out of you, eh?"
"No one has yet. Let's put it this way: I'm old enough to know where babies come from."
"Uhh..."
"In detail."
"I... I see..."
"You seem a bit confused; do I need to spell it out for you? Do you know what your mommy and daddy did to get you? You see, one night, in the bed of daddy's best friend's pickup--"
"OK, Missy, we'll move on to the harder stuff."
"Shoot."
"We talked to some of your hired help to see what you were like behind the scenes. Do you want to hear what the general consensus was?"
"I've got a feeling I already know, but throw it on the table anyway."
"We got the overwhelming response that you're more than a little bitchy."
"Do you think I'm bitchy, Barbra?"
"W-well, I..."
"It's alright; that's a hard question for someone to answer on the spot. 'Yes' and 'no' can be really tough to spit out, so I'll let this one slide. Ask them what they think about their paychecks. I pay damn good money to be a bitch to them."

***

"Miss Razz, there's less than an hour before sho-- GAH!" Baby Razz's attendant stops short. Razz lounges in an armchair in her underwear. "P-please, Miss Razz, cover yourself up!," he stammers. Razz looks up as if just noticing him and cocks an eyebrow. She rises from her chair and daintily walks over to him, swaying the hips of her tiny frame. "M-m-miss Razz?"
When she gets close, she looks up at him and asks, "Do I make you uncomfortable?"
"W-well, yes, actually!" She grabs a hold of his tie and forces him down to her eye level. "GHAK!"
"Good," she states maliciously, "I'm well aware of the time, Steve. Now go get me a goddamn Wild Cherry Pepsi, and don't you dare pull that Cherry Coke bullshit or so help me I'll make your life even more miserable than it already is. Capiche?"
"Y-yes, Miss Razz, right away!," he chokes. She releases his tie and he dashes out the door. "Wild Cherry Pepsi? Where the hell am I gonna come up with that? This place only sells Coke products!"

He leaves the stadium and finds a convenience store across the street. Perfect!, he thinks, I hope they have cold cans...

***

"So, what about your fans? Who's your target demographic supposed to be?"
"Anyone who loves rock, really. My albums are all my own stuff, but about half my live material is covers."
"And why is that?"
"Because you reach more people when you play stuff they know. Also, most music today really blows, so I like introducing today's generation to some classic s***. They go home to mommy and daddy and say s*** like 'Baby Razz played this cool song called Jumpin' Jack Flash.' If I did my job right, and the parents are doing their job right, the kid'll discover the Stones and never look back."
"Do you have any older fans?"
"Oh, f*** yeah. They love the classic s*** just as much as everyone else, and I largely imitate an old-school style when I'm not just showin' off."
"Do you ever get any 'over zealous' fans?"
"What? You mean pedophiles? All the f***ing time."
"How do you deal with that?"
"Well, let's just say I have my own little pedo-busting brigade."

***

A man watches as Steve leaves Razz's dressing room, obviously on some sort of errand. He awaits the attendant's return in a maintenance closet. Fifteen minutes later, Steve runs back toward the dressing room, breathing heavily. "I -hah- got -hah- it -hah-," he pants. Just before Steve can complete his mission, the man opens the closet door and gives Steve's head a crack with a baseball bat. After dragging Steve into the closet, the man proceeds to Razz's room.

"Oh, Miss Razz," he calls. Razz sits in her armchair again, still in her underwear. She looks at him with the same annoyance she gave Steve earlier.
"Who the fuck are you?," she inquires of him.
"I'm the new hired help," he lies, "is there anything I can get for you? Maybe a drink before the show?"
"Do you think I'm some fucking idiot?"
"Uh... what?"
"I hand-pick all of my peons, jackass. It's not like I have so many that I lose track of their faces." His eyes go wide. His mission is compromised. It seems he'll have to use force when... "What's your name anyway?"
"Uh... I'm Daren..."
"Well, Daren, Steve's running late, so let's see how useful you can be. Go over to that liquor cabinet and make me a Rusty Nail, and don't skimp on the Scotch."
"Right away!," he enthusiastically replies. The bosses don't like damaged goods. Daren works for a human trafficking ring that specializes in abducting children and selling them as slaves. One customer offered a particularly high price for Baby Razz, and the job was sent to Daren. He has, on his person, a mild drug that will easily put a child of Razz's build out for hours. He mixes the drink with his back to her and attempts to make conversation. "So what's a sweet little girl like you want a nasty grown-up drink like this for anyway?"
"To take my mind off dumb shits like you. The fuck is taking you so goddamn long anyway?"
"Nothing! Here, all done, see?"
"Good, now give it here. If it's good I'll give you something nice, mmkay?"

She takes the drink from him and downs it in one shot without so much as a wince. Her internal systems pick up the poison. The drug, however, is made for humans and has no effect on her. Well, she thinks, this one's serious. Daren watches her expectantly. Her eyes go wide and she chokes a bit. He watches her eyelids start to fall. She sways a bit. He grins with satisfaction when she suddenly lets loose a resounding belch. "Damn!," she exclaims, "that surprised the shit out of me!" Daren's smile falls from his face. "You know how to make a damn fine Rusty Nail, Daren!"

He stammers a bit before she speaks again. "Well," she says with a slightly sultry voice, "I did promise you something nice, didn't I?" She takes her left hand and pulls at the bust of her training bra and takes out a slip of paper with her right. She winks at him as she tells him, "Admit one. Enjoy the show!" She pushes him along from behind and shoves him out the door.

"H-hey, wait!," he protests, but the door slams in his face and locks from the inside. "God dammit!"

***

"So, let's take a second to talk politics. Do you keep up with politics, Miss Razz."
"I probably know more about the world situation than you do, sweetheart."
"Well, then, what do you think of our World Queen and her Royal Guard?"
"I think they're good, fine people. Fun fact: Queen Xiphos is one hell of a drummer, and more than half of those b****es can belt out a tune like no one's business."
"R-...really...?"
"Yeah, I got invited up to the World Castle to do a show. It was the coolest s***. I didn't even have to bring my own band."
"Does it bother you that none of them are... human...?"
"I couldn't give two s***s about it. Human or not, they all rock the same, you know?"
"So how did you get invited to the World Castle in the first place?"
"It's all about networking."

***

A knock sounds at the door. "Hey, Razz," Eukrante calls from the other side, "we're on in ten, you set?"
"I'll be there soon, Bird," Razz answers, "just let me finish a few things up in here."
"Alright then, I'll see you on stage."

Razz throws her clothes on and grabs her favorite guitar. Daren must have fled when Eukrante showed up. She leaves her dressing room and makes for the stage. However, she detects Steve's unconscious form in the janitor's closet. She opens the door. "Poor guy," she says to herself, "I figured this is what happened to you." Then she sees it. Steve's hand loosely holds a red and blue can surrounded in a puddle of condensation. "A Wild Cherry Pepsi... Steve you magnificent bastard..." She takes the can, pops it, and downs it all. Then, she deliberately makes her way to the stage, activating her comm link as she does.

"Bragg. Razz. Patch me through to Bright."
"Razz? What's wrong?"
"No time for that; I'm on in seven. Get me the nurse."
"On it." After a tone, Bright Feather's voice chimes in.
"Hello?"
"Bright. Razz. I've got a guy up here out cold. Looks like head trauma. He's in the janitor's closet outside my dressing room. You know how to get in."
"Oh! Right! I'll be right there!" Bright Feather disconnects and Razz calls up Fort Bragg again.
"Bragg. Razz again. I need Bats this time."
"Razz, what's going on? You know you're not supposed to use this line for personal calls."
"No, I'm supposed to use it for calls that shouldn't be traced."
"Razz..."
"On in three, Bragg."
"... I'll get Vespelio for you..."
Another tone sounds and Vespelio's cheery voice rings clear. "Yello?"
"Bats. Razz. How does a rock show sound tonight?"
"Ooooh! Sounds like fun! What should I wear?"
"You should wear short and flat, I got a good one for you. I'm sending you an energy signature now. Big guy, dull face. Answers to Daren. He likes 'em young."
"Oh, goody goody! I was afraid I'd be bored tonight! Break a leg!"
"Thanks, Razz out."

***

"Well, thank you for sharing your time with us today, Miss Razz."
"Aww, no problem. You were a good sport, too. Wasn't she, folks? Let's give a big hand to Barb for putting up with my s*** tonight."
"Er..."
"Don't think you're special or anything, honey. I'm difficult with everyone. I do it on purpose. The people at home laugh their asses off. Trust me, babe, tonight's ratings will get you your Christmas bonus."
"Yes... I'm sure..."
"You'll be the butt of more than a few Internet jokes for a few months, but you can deal with that, right?"
"O-of course..."
"Thanks so much for your time, Barbra, it was great talking with you."
"H-hey! That's my line!"
"I'm Baby Razz and this has been my interview. Good night, folks!"

The cameras cut off and the stage crew puts up their equipment. Barbra pinches the bridge of her nose. "Razz?," she asks the starlet, "that first question you asked me, I have an answer for it now."
"Oh?," Razz replies, waiting for her to finish.
"You're a real bitch and a half, you know that?"
Razz gets up and pas Barbra on the shoulder. "'Atta girl," Razz patronizes her, "you call 'em like you see 'em. There's a whole world out there waiting for your input, Captain Obvious. Go get 'em, tiger!" With that, Razz leaves the studio to get ready for her concert.

***

Having made all her calls, Razz makes her entrance on one side of the stage, with Eukrante coming in from the opposite side. The crowd thunders with applause. "Are you people ready to make some noise?!," Eukrante goads them. They respond with a resounding YEAH! Eukrante continues, "We've got a great show lined up for yo--"
"BIRD!," Razz cuts her off, "Quit yapping so we can play some FUCKING MUSIC!" The audience roars even louder at this, and the show starts.

***FIN***

Name: Razz
Type: Guitar
Element: Electricity
Weapons: -Six-String "Clementine": Razz's signature electric guitar. Different chords and solos produce different effects. On the stage, she uses this with the most proficiency, though she competently plays her other instruments as well. As a standard weapon, this "gun-tar" fires a long-range EMP. She would much rather stun her foes and finish them with her solos.
-Four-String "Bertha": An electric bass whose low notes produce shattering shock waves. On stage, Razz plays bass well, but will always relinquish it to Graffias, who plays with surprising ability. As a standard weapon, this is Razz's close-range option. The axe-blade vibrates with a pitch that damages the structural integrity of whatever it touches.
-Drum Set: On stage, Razz can keep a steady beat and throw in a few fills, but Xiphos and Benio are the percussion masters. In battle, the drums play a purely supportive role. When mounted to her armor, the set acts as her shield generator and aerial maneuvering system. A bass kick with perfect timing can produce explosive results...
Type Abilities: -Bardsong+: Bardsong is the lost magic. Not so much "lost" as "not practiced anywhere ever." It used to act as a support magic, where a bard would sing to heal allies or confuse enemies. However, that was impractical, as sometimes battles would last too long and the bard would get tired. So song magic was never taught in serious mage academies. However, Razz's unique soul and music themed armor allow her to use a magic very similar with devastating effects. This is how she produces her own pyrotechnics both on stage and in battle.
-Music Proficiency: Guitar: Razz holds in her head every lick and solo ever played by the greatest guitarists. Additionally, her knowledge of both classical and modern guitar theory allow her to play and develop her own style.
Bio: Most Shinki who live amongst humans choose to do so without attracting much attention to themselves. Razz decided to become a rock star. Cocky, sharp, and often outright rude, Razz makes herself a pain to deal with. She always speaks in a voice that is half-condescending and half-deadpan. She chose a small body specifically to appear young and naive so that adult humans would underestimate her. In this way she keeps a certain element of surprise on her side. The Guitar armor isn't the most maneuverable piece of equipment. While it functions either grounded or hovering, it lacks the speed to be a rush in kind of fighter. Razz typically provides artillery and Bardsong+ support from the rear, taking up "Bertha" only when she has a clean shot at a close opponent. Her electric attribute works in tandem with her Bardsong+ ability to produce fierce thunderstorms during heated solos. It adds a spark to unarmed attacks. Additionally, Razz can generate a short-range EMP to stun surrounding opponents. The electric element grants immunity to opposing EMP-based stuns.

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Xehn
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Xehn » Sun Jun 13, 2010 2:16 am

I mentioned that to you myself. >.> <.<

Razz. Hah. I like how you incorporated the comments from their thread about Razz's personality.

This one was just as entertaining as the previous. Can't wait to see more!

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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Lock Cade » Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:55 pm

Dang, I really like Baby Razz... and her figure hasn't even been released yet. LOL!

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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Ninth » Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:04 pm

Just posting to mention I'm pretty interested in where this fanfic might end up going, and I hope you haven't lost interest in writing it.
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Re: It came from HP's head... *MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

Post by Hylian Pirate » Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:21 pm

Not at all! I just haven't been bit by the writing bug in a while. This is a recent excuse, but Dragon Quest IX has consumed my soul, and I see myself sinking a great deal more time into it before I'm done. I will say that the next story's subject is Eukrante, and it ties together the end of both Razz and Ianeira's stories. It's bad to force stuff out though. People can generally tell when you force something out, so you better believe that Eukrante's story will be out when it's good and ready!

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